


I thought of how many nights I had lain awake loving him in silence

by hwespn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Baseball Player Dean, Best Friends, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, High School AU, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 21:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6211333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwespn/pseuds/hwespn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel usually lies awake at night with a certain "friend" on his mind, but it's unusual that that "friend" who happens to be one of the heaviest sleepers known to man wakes him in the middle of the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I thought of how many nights I had lain awake loving him in silence

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. It's my favorite book and I suggest you go read it if you haven't!

Castiel knows this scene all too well.

The steady chirp of crickets outside was the only sound that filled Castiel's ears. A warm summer breeze blew in and greeted the half-asleep boy like an old friend. Cas's eyes felt heavy and a quick glance at the clock showed it was nearly two in the morning, but Castiel couldn't sleep. His mind was on something else, or rather, someone else. There was a beautiful boy laying on the floor below him, asleep on a makeshift bed of fluffy comforters and blankets. The boy, Dean, stirred in his sleep and Castiel was nervous for a second that he would wake up and no longer look as peaceful as he does now but that wouldn't happen; Dean is the heaviest sleeper Cas knows and it takes a lot more than some pining to wake him.

It's familiar, lying here and thinking about his best friend like this. He's been in this position for the past seven years, since they were 10 years old and Castiel first discovered what romantic feelings were and that you should, apparently, not feel them for your friends of the same gender, according to his father. But his father was never someone much to listen to anyways.

So he glances at Dean and wonders what he's dreaming about.

Is Dean dreaming about him? Does he love him quietly yet wholeheartedly too?

 _No, there's no way,_ Castiel thinks.

Dean doesn't love, unless platonic or familial. And Castiel happens to fall under the platonic category. A friend. Nothing less and never anything more.

So he lays there, engulfed in darkness as the clock ticks on the wall across from him. And he loves Dean. He loves Dean blindly, silently, violently, and with everything in him.

By the time three o'clock rolls around, Dean shockingly blinks awake and Castiel does his best to slow his breathing and act like he's asleep, but Dean knows him better than that and whispers his name like a prayer.

"Cas."

Reluctantly, Castiel turned to face Dean on the floor, "what's wrong?" Dean doesn't usually just wake up in the middle of the night whispering Cas's name unless something's on his mind.

"I-" Dean began to say, but stopped and froze momentarily as if the words were choking him and holding him hostage, "I forgot what I was going to say."

And just like that, the hope that had swelled in Cas that Dean likes him as more than just a friend had popped like a balloon.

"Oh, okay," Cas said, trying his best to hold in a sigh, "well if you remember in the morning you can tell me then. You should probably go back to bed, you have baseball practice in the morning."

"Okay," Dean said slowly, "goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean."

And once again, Cas was alone with his thoughts as he heard Dean's breathing slow when he fell back to sleep a few minutes later. When sleep finally did touch Castiel, the sun was rising.

The sleep that took so long to come to Cas was quickly taken away when he was shaken awake and woke with a gasp. His eyes opened to meet the green ones of his best friend, a baseball cap sat his head with their school's logo and freckles scattered across his sun-kissed cheeks.

"I remembered what I had to say," Dean spoke rushed.

"And?" Cas said, sitting up in bed to look at Dean better. He was about to leave for practice, judging by his baseball uniform, so that meant it was nearly nine o'clock which meant Cas got around 4 hours of sleep.

"And," Dean rubbed his neck awkwardly, "I never really forgot, it's kind of hard to forget that I- uh, sort of love....you."

Castiel is shocked his eyes didn't pop out of his head.

A quick look into Dean's eyes and it was easy to tell that he wasn't referring to platonic love, he was talking the real thing.

"You-you what!?" Castiel nearly kissed Dean right there, nearly leaned up and gave him a great big kiss right on the lips and sent him off to baseball practice with an "I love you" ringing in his ears, but he didn't.

Rather, Dean did all Cas has only thought of doing.

In one motion, Dean leaned down and placed a kiss on Castiel's lips so gentle it was as if he were breaking some sort of spell. But this isn't a fairytale and Cas thankfully isn't under any spell because Dean is the best thing that's happened to him.

Cas's morning breath aside, it was perfect. And when they parted, Cas only could smile and pull Dean's hat further down on his head to the point where it was nearly covering his eyes.

"Go to practice, you're gonna be late." Cas joked.

"I'll see you later," Dean adjusted his hat and smiled, placing one last kiss on Cas's forehead.

"I love you," Cas said, and it was finally good to say it out loud instead of having the feeling build in him as if he were a volcano on the verge of explosion.

"I love you too," Dean smiled one last time at Cas before turning and leaving for practice, the sound of the impala's engine acting as Cas's lullaby as he fell back to sleep, but what's the point in sleeping when reality is better than anything anyone could ever dream of?

For the first time ever, Cas loves with his eyes wide open so he doesn't miss a thing and his voice ready to proclaim his love from the rooftops. The hard beating of a drum in his chest settles to a steady rhythm and he is finally content.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted a fic in a while so here's this little one! Hope you like it :)


End file.
